


Never Shall The World Be The Same

by IncompleteSentanc (Erava)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anti-Soulmate AU, Bucky Does All That He Can, Defiant Until The End, F/F, Fem!Tony Stark - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Pre Iron Man to Post Civil War, Sad Ending, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Toni "Fuck The Police" Stark, Toni Stark - Freeform, Trope Subversion/Inversion, innocent bucky, soulmate rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-05-15 07:17:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14785932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erava/pseuds/IncompleteSentanc
Summary: The Words show you the first thing your soulmate will ever say to you. The Dream shows you the last.Toni's always had her words. They were a warning on their own, but nothing could prepare her for the truth of her soulmate. She'd never hoped for a picture perfect soulmate match up, but she hadn't expected to be so vividly haunted by her parents' murderer.(Anti-Soulmate AU)





	1. Chapter 1

 

* * *

 

 

Antoinette Stark is born with her words already etched on her soft, wrinkled skin. It’s on her forearm, mushed up tight due to her small size, barely legible at best.

She’s born with her words, one of the  _ lucky few _ who are, but it’s not until she’s five that she - and her parents - realize she might not be so lucky.

_ “Don’t move. Don’t make me hurt you.” _ The words say in bold, sharp print. Written by a confident hand, but with a degree of hastiness to it. She recognizes the signs - has everything there is to know about soulmarks burned into her mind by the time she turns six - and finds herself frowning intently at the words.

Her soulmate’s handwriting. A confident, but busy man. Meticulous but quick.

_ “Don’t move.”  _ They say.

_ “Don’t make me hurt you.” _

Toni meets her mother’s pale gaze and numbly nods when her father speaks harshly.

“Show no one.” He commands.

The next day, he gives her a platinum cuff to cover the middle of her forearm, and her mother gives her an array of skin tone makeup to cover it up.

No one else ever sees her words.

No one.

 

* * *

 

She’s Toni Stark. She builds her first circuit board when she’s four. When she’s six, she builds her first engine. When she’s seven, she’s sent to boarding school with a kiss to the forehead and a firm pat on her shoulder.

She goes to school.

She graduates early.

She goes to MIT.

She meets her first friend. 

“James Rhodes. What’d you say to piss them off?” He asks, helping her to her feet, and sixteen year old Toni smiles through a mouthful of blood.

She’s lost at least one tooth, but she has the best dentists in the world at her fingertips, so she doesn’t much care. 

“Toni Stark. I corrected his physics paper in class. He and his friends disapproved of the results.”

She graduates summa cum laude at seventeen.

She loses everything at eighteen.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In reality, there’s no good reason for her to even be in the car.

 

Her parents are going on vacation, but Howard wanted someone to take care of the car while they were gone. He  _ adamantly _ refuses to leave it at the airport and there’s  _ something _ in the car - which they’re subtly taking to the Pentagon - that he doesn’t trust in the hands of a chauffeur.

So she’s stuck going with them, Howard driving with Maria beside him and herself sprawled in the backseat. She’d drive the car back to the mansion after they were at the airport, and then she’d get to go home and finish her nap like she wanted to.

That’s the plan.

Until something slams into the door so hard she’s sent flying sideways, away from her seatbelt. The buckle smashes into her ribs when she hits the seat, breaking at least one, and it knocks the wind out of her. Her head spins, and then she realizes it’s not just her head.

The car is spinning, twirling, and then slamming into a tree.

The sudden stop is almost as disorienting as the blow had been. Her arm is  _ killing _ her, viciously throbbing from elbow up to shoulder, and the side of her head is soaked with blood. 

There’s a moment of horrible silence where no one moves, and Toni stares at the windshield with a nauseatingly spinning head.

And then the window beside her shatters, raining glass down on her, and something seizes her arm. An involuntary shriek escapes her as she’s yanked by the wounded thing, and Howard groans from the front seat. She’s pulled roughly through the window, broken pieces tearing into her back and arms, and the second her feet are free, she’s  _ dropped. _

She hits the ground, the back of her head smacking into the concrete, and the world somehow manages to twist and turn even worse than before. The hand returns, tangling in her hair, and Toni kicks wildly as she’s dragged across the road. “Stop!” She shouts, but it’s feeble and shaky, too dazed and unsteady to sound commanding. 

But it stops. The hand releases her, more gently this time, and Toni tries to blink the darkness from her vision. A pale, dark haired man stands over her, face unreadable but stance uneasy. “Don’t move.” He says, and the skin on her forearm tingles under the platinum cuff. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

Toni freezes.

She stares, eyes wide, and can only numbly watch as the man - with one metal arm, she realizes - strides over to the car.

Howard opens the door just as he begins his approach, sliding out and collapsing to the ground.  _ He’s alive, _ Toni thinks distantly, but she can’t quite bring herself to move. Her body  _ throbs, _ pain tearing through her arm and pounding blindingly through her head. “Toni…” Howard chokes out, reaching for her door. He freezes when the man reaches him, boots stopping just under his face. “Help my wife. Please, my wife… and Toni…” Howard says, sluggishly, and the man reaches down, seizing him by his hair and hauling him up onto his knees. Howard stares at him for a moment, then goes still.

Confusion, bleary and unfocused, streaks across his face. “Sergeant Barnes?” He asks, confused, and Toni struggles to sit up. 

“Howard?” Her mother’s accented, weak voice calls. “Toni?” 

The man’s metal hand slams into Howard’s face twice, so hard it caves in.

Toni barely even hears herself screaming over the white noise in her head. “DAD!” She howls, desperately. “DAD!”

“Howard!” Her mother chokes out. The man doesn’t even seem fazed. He drags her father back into the front seat, slamming his head down onto the steering wheel, and slowly moves around the car.

Toni moves. 

She drags herself across the asphalt, glass and road burn digging into her flesh, and grabs the man by his ankle. He freezes immediately, mid step, and slowly looks down at her.

For a moment, she has no idea what to even say.

Her mind is spinning almost as bad as her head. Shock, physical and mental. He just killed her father  _ right in front of her. _

“Not my mom.” Toni breathes out weakly. It’s pitiful. A pathetic voice. But she’s in agony, losing blood from her head and glass cuts, and she definitely has a pretty bad concussion. He stares at her, not moving so much as a single facial muscle. “Please.” Toni whispers. “Not my mom.”

He stands there for a moment longer.

The blow, when it comes, is so fast she can’t even see it. One minute she’s on her stomach, the next she’s rolling two feet away with at least two more ribs broken. 

She can barely breathe. 

She grasps at the ground, desperate for some purchase, and manages to push herself up onto her good arm enough to see the car.

To see him.

Reaching in the passenger’s seat, face blank and staring away, one arm tucked inside.

She hears her mother choking.

“Mom…” Toni pleads weakly.

Her mother goes silent.

Toni’s head drops to the ground and she makes a strangled sound of grief before the darkness finally consumes her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She wakes up in the hospital to a world of pain.

Her arm is broken in  _ four places _ between her elbow and her shoulder, which had apparently also been dislocated.

Whatever had hit the side of the car had done a real number on her, as well.

Her skull has a hairline fracture where her temple had smashed into the window, three of her ribs are broken, and she’s got no less than forty stitches in her back from when he’d dragged her through the window.

He.

Her  _ soulmate. _

Her parent’s murderer.

She silently stares at the curtains, head turned slightly to relieve the aching of her skull. Rhodey visits constantly, but she doesn’t say anything, and eventually, he stops trying to talk to her. He updates her every day -  _ Obadiah’s set the funeral for five days. Doc’s say you’ll be released by then - _ and then silently sits beside her and does whatever paperwork the military has left him with now.

She waits until she’s out of the ICU. 

They don’t release her immediately, but they move her to a regular hospital room three days after the accident and four before her parents’ funeral.

She waits.

Then she pilfers a scalpel off an oblivious doctor and tucks herself away in the bathroom.

The words on her arm are concealed even now by the platinum bangle, which she carefully unclasps.

The words, black and thick and strong, stare mockingly up at her.

_ “Don’t move.” _ They say.  _ “I don’t want to hurt you.” _

She sets the scalpel to the edges of the words and starts scraping.

She doesn’t stop until there’s not a single trace of black ink left behind.

The doctors make her stay for another three days after that, but she’s still free in time for the funeral.

Rhodey takes her. She sits beside him, lets him hold her hand, and numbly watches the proceedings. 

She ignores the camera flashes. The mutterings around her.

There are still bandages over her forearm and temple. Her arm is in a cast. Her back is stitched together.

She feels none of it.

She feels nothing at all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s after that that she begins to have  _ the Dream. _

The Dream.

The Words represent the first things you and your soulmate will ever say to each other.

The Dream represents the last.

She dreams she’s lying on a bed, a hospital ceiling above her head. The man who killed her parents - her  _ soulmate _ \- hovers over her with a stricken, agonized expression. 

_ “I’m sorry, Toni.”  _ He whispers to her, and she smiles tiredly at him.

It’s hard for her to breathe, and harder still to talk.  _ “So am I.” _

There’s a long minute of silence before she takes in a painful breath and speaks again.

_ “Will you stay?” _ She asks, and shock blooms across his face before it hardens.

_ “Of course.” _ He says, soft but firm, and silently sits at her side.

After a moment, he takes her hand.

_ “I’ll be here until the end.” _ He promises and she smiles again.

 

And then she wakes up vomiting at the thought of ever being close enough to  _ touch _ that monster.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Rhodey tries to take her home with him after the mess.

She refuses.

She lets Obadiah take her home instead, who quietly drives her there and reassures her that she doesn’t have to worry about the company, he’ll take good care of it until she’s twenty-one.

She nods absently, picking at the bandages around her forearm, and offers a soft hum of acknowledgement when she absolutely has to.

He drops her off with a sad smile and drives away as soon as she’s inside the mansion.

She’d never really enjoyed drinking before. Sure, it could be fun every now and then - but it dulled her mind, made her slow, and left her sick and achy the next day.

She picks up a bottle.

It’s the last time in the next three months she’ll spend any time sober.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She’s nineteen, blackout drunk, and puking blood when she creates JARVIS.

The first sound he ever hears is her coughing up her own blood.

The first thing he asks is if he should call an ambulance.

Which, really, summarizes their relationship.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She’s twenty-one when she inherits the company. It’s a blessing in disguise. She hates the politics that come with it, the stupid board meetings and the repetitive charity galas, but she loves the  _ work. _

The workshop she inherits is  _ incredible, _ and she has most of the equipment moved to her brand new home in Malibu. She installs JARVIS into the home systems immediately, and the AI quietly and efficiently manages everything she can’t.

He even controls DUM-E for her when she can no longer tolerate his clumsiness. 

She adores her bots, she adores Rhodey, who drops in every chance he gets to make sure she’s still alive, and she even adores Pepper Potts, her fiery new secretary who takes no shit and gives plenty.

She’d never liked being  _ managed, _ but Pepper finds the balance between control and free reign that Toni  _ basks _ in.

Then she’s twenty-two and Stark Industries’ stock has never been better.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Women supposedly have no place on the battlefield, but Toni makes damn sure that everyone knows they have a place in  _ war. _

She’s the first and foremost producer of military-grade weaponry in the USA, and gives them a constant stream of improvements from nuclear weapons to steadier handguns. 

Rhodey is her source of constant feedback and praise, and Pepper is her source of constant wrangling to make sure she actually communicates her creations with her company.

When she’s bored of weapons, she dabbles on the side, building computers and laptops and cellphones. All Stark branded, of course.

She’s twenty-five when the sickness starts.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

It starts with tiny tremors in her fingers.

It interferes with her work, so she builds gloves that automatically stabilize her shaking.

Then she starts dropping things.

She improves the gloves to compensate for her slipping grip.

By the time she’s thirty-one, she can’t stand up too quickly, can’t move too fast, and her feet have a tendency to randomly give out under her.

So she builds prosthetic braces to keep herself upright better. 

Without even meaning to, she revolutionizes the medical field as well, all in the name of selfishly refusing to show an inch of weakness.

She builds prosthetics for herself. She creates gloves that vastly improve the lives of people with MS, Parkinson's, and similar diseases.

Her inventions are such a success that she ends up making a subsection of SI that is dedicated to medical improvements. 

She doesn’t let the braces and gloves get in the way of living, though.

Toni has long since become famous for her partying ways, and has been dubbed a slut more times in her life than she can count.

She doesn’t mind, of course.

Drinking, fucking, and inventing are her three strongest suits.

Nothing gets between that and her.

Not even the rumors of her illness, the claims that she wears leg braces and stabilizing gloves.

Nothing gets in the way of her living her life.

Until she’s thirty-nine.

 

* * *

 

 

It takes about two hours into her stay in Afghanistan to regret everything about inventing the Jericho missile.

 

It takes two days for her to wake up in the cave.

 

It takes three for her to vow revenge on everything  _ ever. _

 

* * *

 

 

The Ten Rings aren’t kind to her.

 

They’re particularly  _ unkind. _

 

They clearly don’t have much appreciation for women. In fact, they’re particularly inclined to  _ dishonor _ them.

Yinsen helps her after every… incident. He cleans her up, calms her rage with gentle reminders of their priorities, and Toni silently plots to cut the dicks off each and every member of the Ten Rings she ever fucking finds.

In the end, she doesn’t get the chance.

The Ten Rings is misled, the armor is built, and Yinsen dies buying her the time to get it started up.

Her chest aches as from more than just the Arc Reactor as she blows through the cave and encampment, leaving nothing but ash in her wake.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The first thing she asks for when she’s found is an STD check.

She’s never seen Rhodey so pale or shaky before.

The  _ second _ thing she asks for, two weeks later, is a god damned cheeseburger.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Toni wears her gloves at all times. She wears her leg braces at all times.

She even wears a heart rate monitor at all times, disguised as a wristwatch, and carefully makes sure she never pushes herself too hard and ends up passing out somewhere. 

Rhodey and Pepper are the only two to know about it. 

Oh, there are rumors. There are  _ plenty _ of rumors. 

Everyone she’s slept with has a story to tell about her trembling hands and legs. About her weak knees and elbows.

Every press conference, at least  _ one _ person asks the question. “Are you going through the Rejection Process, Miss Stark?”

Her response is always the same. “Of course not. Do I  _ look _ like I am?” She asks with a smile full of sharp teeth and a gesture with her gloved, unshaking hand.

But Pepper and Rhodey know.

And somehow, Obadiah finds out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I’ve always wondered, you know.” Obie says as he lounges on the sofa next to her paralyzed body. “Who it is that would refuse a woman like you. All your money, all your fame, all your beauty…” His hand creeps up her shirt and he hums softly. “Though, I suppose, your beauty  _ is _ a little marred now, isn’t it?” 

He rips out her Arc Reactor, and ignites her fury with it.

She doesn’t hesitate in the end. 

She fights him with cold, relentless rage, and in the end, she walks away with bruises and cuts while he lies dead and forgotten.

“Stick to the cards.” Agent Coulson of whatever mouthful agency instructs.

She smiles and steps up to the podium.

“I am Iron Maiden.” She announces to the world.

Toni Stark has never felt more powerful in her life.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Palladium poisoning is a pain in the ass.

It weakens her already weakened body, leaving her shivering and collapsed at random. Rhodey and Pepper worry, but she hides the worst of it, refusing to give in just yet.

Refusing to  _ surrender. _

She is Iron Maiden, and she will go down fighting, not collapsed on the ground like she’s had her strings cut. 

Her birthday is a disaster from start to finish, and she doesn’t even try to stop Rhodey when he takes off in a rage with one of her suits. She watches numbly as he goes, and wishes him the best.

It’s obvious from the chestplate that she hadn’t made it for herself. It lacks the  _ feminine  _ qualities.

She’d built it for him. For Rhodey, her oldest and dearest friend, the one who unfailingly picked up her broken pieces whenever she fell.

Except for now.

Toni lies in the disaster of her own birthday, staring up at the sky through the holes in her ceiling, and wonders.

“JARVIS?” She asks, slurring slightly from the alcohol.

It takes the AI a moment to respond.  _ “Yes, ma’am?” _ He asks, with a tired hint to his tone that she’s pretty sure he shouldn’t be capable of yet, but he  _ is _ growing by leaps and bounds nowadays.

“Tell me the symptoms of the Rejection Process.”

_ “...It begins with tremors, ma’am. Fainting spells and lingering unconsciousness is usually the next step. The failure of basic senses - sight and/or hearing - follow after.” _

“And after that?”

_ “Organ failure, ma’am.”  _ JARVIS says quietly.  _ “Typically beginning with one or two organs, before rapid multi-organ failure begins. The most common organs to fail first are the liver and kidneys.” _

She can’t help it. 

She bursts out laughing.

“Well I think we both know which will be the first one for me to blow, don’t we, JARVIS?” Toni asks, still laughing, and it’s a tidbit hysterical. 

She grabs the nearest unbroken bottle of booze and chugs it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“He  _ took _ your suit?” Director Fury questions, arching a disbelieving eyebrow at her.

Usually she’d protest for the sake of it, sticking to her guns out of sheer stubbornness, but she feels like  _ shit _ and she can’t figure out what she did with one of her gloves, so her left hand is trembling like  _ mad _ in her Iron Maiden gauntlet.

“Okay, fine, I gave it to him, what’s your point?”

“My point is, you’re giving up!” Fury accuses, huffing at her.

“If I knew you’d lecture me, I’d have stayed in the donut.” She mutters, eyeballing him. She can’t tell if he looks a little blurry because she’s hungover, or because of the Rejection like JARVIS had said.

“Go home. I’m sending you Howard’s things.”

“Yay me.” 

“You’ll go through them. You’ll find a cure. And when you’re done, we’ll talk about what comes next.”

“Ominous.”

“Get her out of here.” Fury sighs.

She flashes him a vicious grin and saunters away before anyone can even  _ think _ about touching her.

 

* * *

 

 

 

She finds a cure to the palladium problem.

 

It doesn’t save her life.

 

But it buys her time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Toni never tells anyone about the palladium thing.

When Rhodey and Pepper ask why her ‘Rejection Process’ had suddenly gotten better, she shrugs and blames it on faulty wiring in her Arc Reactor.

It’s after Vanko and his mess that Toni finally gives in to the urge to simply grab Pepper and kiss her as hard as she can.

To her surprise, the redhead returns it happily.

“Iron Maiden, yes.” Fury tells her a week later, while they’re meeting in a  _ mysterious warehouse, ooooh,  _ “Toni Stark? No.”

Toni rolls her eyes.

“Cool, well now that that’s done with, how about we renegotiate my contract with you ungrateful asses?”

“We just saved your damn life, Stark.”

“Uh-huh. And how many lives of your people have my weapons saved? I may not be in the weapons business anymore, but I’m still the best damned inventor you have. Let’s talk business.”

If he’d expected her to fight back on this ridiculous Avengers thing, he was  _ sorely _ mistaken.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Toni can honestly say she’s happy with Pepper.

They mesh well together. Her brain and Pepper’s sensibility are a powerful combination, and together, they actually manage to bring SI’s stock up even further, even as she invests in a giant tower in the middle of Manhattan.

Besides, she didn’t enjoy being with men so much anymore after the whole Ten Rings thing.

Still.

She should’ve known it wouldn’t last.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Apparently, the Avengers thing is actually happening.

Not the least because SHIELD blows up part of New Mexico by fucking with an alien space cube that Toni could’ve  _ warned them  _ was a dumb idea, and thus unleashes some Norse ‘god’ named Loki on the Earth.

She scoffs at the concept.

Except then one Norse ‘god’ becomes two, and Captain Fucking America can’t get the stick out of his ass long enough for them to work together.

They spend more time arguing between the two of them than they do talking to everyone  _ combined. _

The only upside is?

Bruce Banner.

He is  _ actually _ adorable.

Unlike Captain America, who is actually  _ not. _

It doesn’t help that he reminds her of  _ him _ by association. 

_ “Sergeant Barnes?” _

“Toni?” Bruce inquires, shaking her from her thoughts, and she looks at him curiously. He looks concerned.

Enough so that this probably isn’t the first time he’s called her name.

Oops.

“Distracted. Sorry, what?” She asks curiously.

“You dropped your… toy.”

She blinks, following his gaze down to the screwdriver she had been prodding him with.

She picks it up and jabs him with it again, squinting at his eyes. He scowls, rubbing at his side. “Really? Nothing at all?” Toni asks, impressed. “You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What’s your secret? Mellow jazz, bongo drums, huge bag of weed?”

His lips twitch in amusement.

Until Captain Asshat bursts into the room.

“You think that’s funny? Endangering everyone on this ship?”

“I think it’s  _ hilarious _ .” Toni corrects, draping an arm over Bruce and snuggling into his side. He tenses adorably at the contact. “Really?  _ This _ bothers you more than sharp pokes?” She asks in genuine surprise.

He blushes.

_ Adorable. _

“It’s okay, Captain. I wouldn’t have come on board if I couldn’t handle… annoyances.” Bruce says politely. And pointedly.

She likes him.

“I should introduce you to my girlfriend, I feel like you’d get along.” Toni tells Bruce, ignoring the way Captain Killjoy sputters in genuine shock for a second. “What, hasn’t someone caught you up on gay rights?” She asks sharply.

“What? No! I mean, yes, but no, I’m not- I didn’t mean- I’m fine with it!” Captain Splutters says quickly. “I’m just surprised! Still! I haven’t been here very long!” He explains rapidly. “I’m still getting used to how… open people are.”

“Well do it faster, you’re killing the atmosphere.” She says, then looks at Bruce. “How do you feel about threesomes?”

Oh, now they both get  _ bright _ red.

She can’t help it.

She laughs. 

Bright and honestly, she laughs, patting Bruce on the shoulder once before peeling off him and moving back to her own workstation. “Don’t worry, Capsicle,” She says as she passes him. “We’ve got it under control.”

It takes him a moment to recover and sigh. “Just focus on your work.”

“I’m great at multitasking. Which, by the way,” She adds, leaning around her screen to waggle her eyebrows at Bruce, “is  _ key _ to a good threesome.”

Captain Blushes beats a hasty retreat, and Bruce, bright as a christmas light, laughs with her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The tension between all the team members grows and explodes.

In a literal, actual explosion.

At which point the tension vanishes so fast it leaves them all a little disoriented.

_ Magic, _ Toni suspects immediately, eyeballing the glowy death stick thing Loki had been waving around before they took him. 

She doesn’t trust the staff, and is still contemplating the possibilities of subtle mind control when she and Captain Can’t-Identify-Simple-Cables fix up the broken turbine.

She gets caught in the damn thing when Steve finally pulls the lever, and stumbles out of the whirring blades in a trashed suit and a heart full of agitation.

Steve helps her to her feet and she claps him on the back.

And then they hear about Coulson.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The only thing more satisfying than eating a plate of shawarma after a huge alien space battle would be eating a plate of shawarma after a huge alien space battle that  _ did not include nukes in space. _

Still, it’s satisfying, even if she’s sure she’s going to have even more nightmares after this ridiculous shitshow of a fight.

“Toni?” Steve breaks the awkward silence between them, and when she looks up curiously, he makes it  _ even worse. _ “What’s that metal around your arm?” He asks in genuine, innocent curiosity.

She freezes.

Completely  _ freezes. _ Her heart rate skyrockets, so much so that the world spins and the watch around her wrist begins beeping warnings at her, and she shoots to her feet without another word.

She moves so hastily that she staggers into the doorway of the exit, but catches herself and quickly continues on, climbing into her suit and ignoring the sounds of people calling after her.

She’s not sure what they’re saying, and she doesn’t care enough to listen and find out. 

So she leaves, heads for the Tower, crashes in her slightly damaged but mostly spared bedroom, and drinks until she’s so drunk she can’t imagine having any nightmares, much less  _ remembering _ them.

She wakes up six hours later, somewhere in between still being drunk and being hungover, makes herself a cup of coffee, eats a bagel, and heads to the Helicarrier.

The rest of the Avengers (uhg) are already there when she arrives. Loki is huddled between them, tightly imprisoned by Thor, and Toni greets them with a small, totally-not-bitter grin. “Morning.”

“Good morning.” Bruce is the first one to respond, smiling politely and genuinely at her. 

Steve looks uncomfortable as he nods at her. Natasha nods, too. Clint is too busy silently staring down Loki. Thor is too grim-faced to do anything.

“Well aren’t we talkative today. Alright, when are we leaving?”

“Five minutes.” Fury says, st riding up behind her. 

“Super spy.” She greets, saluting him with her coffee thermos.

“Stark.” He responds dryly. He silently takes her arm, guiding her away from the others, and she follows with a hint of surprise. “Natasha explained to Steve the way we handle soulmarks now. He was uninformed of the changes in tradition.”

“It’s over, it’s done with, let’s not discuss it, shall we?” Toni says shortly. “Was there something else you needed?”

“Yes. We need to discuss Stark Tower. I have a request for you, Stark.”

And that’s how Stark Tower finds itself becoming the Avengers Tower.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Brucie is the only one to live with her and Pepper at first. Natasha, Steve, and Clint come and go at random, usually staying between stints of SHIELD missions. Thor fucks off to another planet and never comes back, which is fine with her, because the dude is almost as destructive as the Hulk is, and she already has to deal with  _ one _ of those.

The months pass, her vision gets worse and worse, she finally gives in and buys a pair of prescription sunglasses and some contact lenses, and after some hardcore nerd partying with Bruce, she decides it her time to fuck off too.

“We’re going back to Malibu. Want to come?” She asks Bruce abruptly.

He pauses in fiddling with his microscope, then looks up at her and blinks slowly.

“...Did you sleep last night?” She inquires gently.

“When was last night?” Bruce asks in some confusion.

They’re basically twins, because Toni has to pause at that, too, and glance down at her watch. “Oh. It’s only six in the morning. Why the fuck am I up at six in the morning?’ She wonders. “Whatever. Malibu. Coming, staying, going?”

“Uhh.” Bruce stares at her like a stunned yeti for a few seconds longer before rubbing his face with both hands. “Um. Staying for now?”

“Cool. Just let JARVIS know if you need anything. And before you bitch, remember we’re both making money off that neutrino thing you did.”

He flaps a hand distractedly at her before going back to his microscope, mumbling something incoherent under his breath.

_ Adorable. _

 

 

* * *

 

 

So she and Pepper go back to Malibu.

On the side, she goes and kills some Ten Rings dudes for the hell of it, and actually  _ does _ manage to keep one of them alive long enough to chop off his dick before killing him, which she pats herself on the back for.

Then the Mandarin appears, things start blowing up, Happy gets hurt, Toni snarls at a cameraman, her  _ house _ gets blown up, and she wakes up in a snowy forest.

Because fuck her, right?

 

 

* * *

 

 

The backlash from the Mandarin is every bit explosive as the man himself. 

“The Vice-President himself.” Pepper says in dismay, watching the news with her in a very nice hotel room while they wait for the mansion to become habitable again. Toni, curled up with her head in Pepper’s lap, hums absently and fiddles with the latest StarkPhone model.

After a while, she tosses it aside and grabs her tablet instead, working on the Extremis virus.

She’s halfway to stabilizing the thing, dreaming about removing the Arc reactor and finally having space to  _ breathe, _ when she realizes something.

In her  _ Dream, _ she can’t ever see the glow of the Arc reactor.

She throws the tablet away and grabs the phone again.

Just to spite fate, she’ll leave the Arc reactor right where it is.

 

She ends up stabilizing Extremis first, of course, for Pepper's sake.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They move back into the Tower after a year.

Just in time for everything to go to shit, naturally.

The three helicarriers she’d stupidly helped SHIELD build go berserk, hijacked by  _ HYDRA _ of all people, and almost ends up killing twenty million people, according to Steve.

“You were one of them.” He says, still tired from his release from the hospital. He, Natasha, and some dude named Sam, are all in her living room while she nurses a cup of coffee and pretends not to be  _ stupidly _ hungover.

“I’m honored.” Toni says dryly, sipping the hot beverage.

Natasha snorts in amusement and Toni winks at her. 

If she wasn’t so sure the woman could kill her with a single flick of her finger…

“I’ll keep HYDRA in mind next time I build anything. Remote self destruct buttons galore.” She says decisively, then pauses. “Except for in my suits. Well, yes in my suits, that’s already done, actually, but it’s on a careful series of commands, from voice print to gps... Not easily hacked. That would be stupid.”

“Yes, I remember watching the news when you blew up all your suits.” Sam says and Toni grimaces.

“I kind of just needed the space, to be honest.” She admits. “Don’t tell Pepper I said that.”

“Sure.” Natasha says so casually she knows she’s fucked.

Oh well. 

“Toni.” Steve says, suddenly serious, and Natasha stiffens at his tone. She blinks, lifting her gaze from her coffee cup to see Steve’s grim expression, Natasha’s tense one, and Sam’s confused one.

“...Steve.” She says just as seriously, when he doesn’t go on.

“When Nat and I were investigating HYDRA we came across a… file. A report. About your parents.” Steve says slowly.

Ice curls in her gut. She’s pretty sure she just went pale.  _ Shit.  _ Yep, Natasha just narrowed her eyes. She definitely paled.  _ Fuck. _

“You know where we’re going with this.”

_ Shit fuck damn. _

“Not a clue.” She lies blithely.

“It indicated that your parents accident was a murder. By a HYRDA agent.”

_ Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up.  _ “I wouldn’t know, I suffer memory loss. Had a bit of a brain bleed, four day stay in the ICU, fun times, what’s your point?”

“Toni.” Steve says in a tone that’s both tight with emotion and gentle, and she kind of wants to pull a Riddick and see if she can kill someone with a cup. Though, it’s a coffee cup, not a tea cup, and Natasha would probably be able to do it right back at her…

“Toni.” He repeats.

_ “What?” _ She demands waspishly.

“Were your parents murdered by James Buchanan Barnes?”

She slowly lowers her coffee cup.

Very, very gently, she sets it on the table.

Toni meets Steve gaze with an icy one.

“Why would you think that man is even alive?”

“We know he is.” Natasha cuts in quietly, and Toni’s gaze flickers to her. “He was on the helicarriers. He saved Steve’s life. We suspect he’s broken free of his HYDRA brainwashing.”

_ HYDRA brainwashing. _

_ HYRDA fucking brainwashing. _

_ Broken. Free. _

The watch around her wrist gives a shrill, shrieking sound. She rips it off and throws it as hard as she can at Steve’s face. “Get out!” She snarls.

Steve blinks, looking a little shellshocked, and Sam freezes halfway out of his seat when Natasha makes a hand gesture at him. 

No one moves any further.

“Toni-” Natasha starts.

“Get the  _ fuck out!”  _ Toni roars, jumping to her feet. Steve and Natasha do as well, but not before Toni can seize her coffee mug and fling it. It misses them both, narrowly, and smashes into the glass window instead. “NOW!”

_ “Leave before I am forced to make you.”  _ JARVIS chimes from the ceiling.  _ “I am contacting the proper authorities.” _

“Toni-” Steve looks helplessly confused, and Toni bares her teeth at him, not caring how sane or crazed she looks at the moment.

“Out!” She snaps, flicking out her wrists.

Armor soars from her bedroom, snapping around her body.

“Whoa!” Sam ducks under a flying piece, his eyes wide as he watches.

“Toni, calm down.” Steve urges gently. She ignores him.

“JARVIS, get the suits. Last warning.”

“Toni, what the  _ hell?” _ Natasha asks.

“Don’t you  _ ever,  _ **_ever_ ** _ ,  _ talk about  _ that man _ in my presence again.  _ Never.” _ Toni hisses from behind the Iron Maiden mask. “JARVIS, watch the cameras. If you see him anywhere near my tower,  _ kill him.” _

_ “Yes ma’am.” _ JARVIS says instantly, while Steve looks horrified.

“Toni! He was under HYDRA’s control! It wasn’t his doing!” He protests, and Toni almost,  _ almost, _ lunges at him. The only reason she doesn’t is because the world is starting to get dangerously dark around the edges. Her heart is  _ racing _ in her chest, her blood running cold, and there’s nothing she wants more than to run away, hide, and have JARVIS hunt the man down with her suits.

In fact?

“JARVIS, scratch that. Send out the Iron Legion. Find him and kill him.” The darkness gets worse. Her back aches faintly.

“NO!” Steve’s cry drowns out JARVIS’ response. “I won’t let you do that, Toni! He’s innocent!”

“You don’t know what I know, Rogers!” Toni snarls furiously, throwing out a hand angrily. She doesn’t attack, but Natasha and Sam look about two seconds away from it. “He needs to die! Before it’s too late!” Desperation is clawing at her throat, making it hard to breathe.

_ “Ma’am.”  _ JARVIS says directly into the suit.  _ “You need to slow your heart rate.” _

She laughs.

She can’t help it.

The idea is so ridiculous that she laughs, high pitched and off balance. 

It’s about ten seconds later that she passes out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

She wakes up in a hospital bed, with none other than Nick Fury glowering at her from the foot of it. Her medical chart is held loosely in his hands, and his one eye is narrowed dangerously.

She stares at him, he stares back, and finally, he breaks the silence by snapping the medical chart closed. 

“You’re a lot closer to dying than we thought.” He notes absently, flicking a bit of dust off his shoulder.

“Oh, I am?” Toni says dryly. “Don’t go mourning me too quickly, Nicky.”

“You’re in stage two renal failure, and there are indications that you're developing congestive heart failure.”

She’ll never admit it, but it feels like someone’s dumped ice water on her. Her heart monitor gives a little fluctuation, but evens out almost immediately.

Fury stares at her for a long moment.

Toni snorts dismissively.

“So what?” She asks, arching a brow.

Fury blinks once, the only sign that he might be possibly a little bit taken aback, and then frowns, folding his arms across his chest and radiating disapproval. “You don’t seem very concerned about your impending doom.”

She flaps a hand. “Well it’s a bit sooner than I’d hoped, but I’ve been in Rejection for… well. A long, long time.” She smiles thinly at this, catching herself before she actually gives him a  _ number. _ Fury was smart enough that he might put things together, after all.

His brow furrows slightly. “You really don’t give a damn, do you? You never have, have you?”

“What gave it away?” Toni inquires flippantly.

“You’ve always been a careless, drunken playgirl. A partier from age fourteen.”

“Fifteen. Though I  _ did _ lose my virginity at fourteen, so that might be your confusion.”

“We tried to appeal to your ego to lure you into the Avengers. Even after having a taste of it, you refused to become one officially. Why?”

“Because I’ve always known my fate. Why fight it when you can embrace it?” She shrugs lightly, as if it were really that simple. “I live my life to the fullest. I do the best I can with what I have, enjoy it as much as I can, and don’t tie myself down to ridiculous agreements and  _ schedules _ like some people do. You really ought to try it out, Nicky - might give you the time to heal all those ulcers you must have.” 

“On the contrary,” He says mildly, “I actually enjoy what I do. Life is, as you say, much less stressful when you enjoy it.”

She shrugs again. “To each his own. Honestly, though, I’m surprised it’s not my liver going first. I expected the kidneys, but the  _ heart? _ Uhg. Can’t catch a break.” Toni mutters, mind already flying at light speed. So many projects, so many ideas, so little time… “I need to hire some assistants…” She says to herself.

“I could’ve told you that years ago.” Fury says blithely. “Well.” He adjusts his stance, frowning hard at her for a moment longer. “If you won’t be swayed from this path, I suppose there’s only one thing to do. Who is your soulmate, Toni?”

The tactic catches her off guard so much, and is so utterly  _ ridiculous, _ that she outright laughs. “Oh, no, no. Not happening. I have Pepper in my life, and my soulmate can go die in a fucking fire.”

He arches a brow. “So you’re the one causing the Rejection?”

“Oh, please.” Toni rolls her eyes. “Who would say no to me? Of course it’s from my end.”

“What, is she not rich enough for you?”

“They,” she says deliberately vaguely, “are most  _ definitely _ not rich enough for me. Nor pretty enough. I literally vomit at the sight of them.” She says airily, like it’s not actually true.

She still wakes up puking every time she has one of her Dreams. 

“Anyways, was there anything else you wanted, Nicky, or can we bring an end to this tedious chat? Apparently I have quite a lot of work to squeeze into a small margin of time.”

The door slams open at that, and a pale faced Pepper stands just in front of a sick looking Steve.

Toni’s heart  _ plummets. _

There are tears covering her face, and after a moment of twisting, sickening regret for her attitude, she looks at Fury in sheer betrayal. “You let someone listen-” She cuts off with a harsh hiss of disbelief. “Of course you did. Super spy.” She mutters furiously. “I won’t let this slide. Pepper, baby, come here.” Toni says, softening her voice drastically.

Steve looks a little like he might have whiplash as Pepper throws herself forward, clinging to Toni’s chest and sobbing.

“Why were you- why did you- you said all those- those  _ horrible things, _ Toni! Is that what you really think?!” She demands, gripping Toni’s chest so hard it actually kind of hurts a lot, and she winces before running her hand through Pepper’s hair.

“Pep, you know how I feel. I love you. And you’re stuck with me for as long as medical science will permit. But I’m not turning back on my decision.”

Pepper sobs but doesn’t argue, because even as angry as she is, she understands.

And that’s why she loves Pepper so much more than she could  _ ever _ love her soulmate.

Toni holds Pepper close and glares icily at Steve and Fury over the woman’s red hair.

_ I won’t let this slide, _ she lets her expression repeat for her.

Fury grimaces and nods once before leaving, closing the door on Steve’s face.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Toni leaves the hospital with two pamphlets on congenital heart failure and kidney disease, and no less than three separate pamphlets on Rejection. 

Naturally, each of pamphlets advise the same thing.

Get together with your soulmate.

Toni tears them up and tosses them to the wind as soon as they’re free of the hospital doors.

In hindsight, this was a mistake.

Because there was a large gathering of press outside the doors.

One of the reporters catches a corner of it, sees ‘Rejection’, and starts shouting.

“Oops.” Toni says apologetically to Pepper, who rubs her eyes in a weary, strained way.

“I guess we need to schedule a press conference.” She mutters, lowering her hand and trying hard to smile at Toni.

Toni repays the attempt by swooping Pepper into her arms and kissing her hard right in front of all the cameras.

Her bright red face is on the news for  _ days. _

Unfortunately, there’s no denying the inevitable. The Rejection pamphlets had started the fire, but some  _ idiot _ had contacted the press and anonymously ‘confirmed’ her status, and as soon as she found out who it was, they were  _ dead. _

Still, she can’t say she’s not used to the public attention, and frankly, it’s a miracle she’s managed to keep the secret for over twenty-five years.

So she goes to the press briefing, Pepper at one side and Rhodey at her other, and speaks perfectly calmly into the microphone.

“The rumors of my impending demise have been wildly exaggerated.” She says dramatically, and then gives a small pause for even more drama. Rhodey groans. Pepper sighs. “On the down side, I’m totally still dying.” Camera flashes, yelling, and Toni impatiently waits for them to settle down before speaking again. “I am currently in end stage Rejection. However, before you get your panties in a twist, I have approximately five years left before you have to worry about my precious company - which, mind you, is already in  _ brilliant _ hands.”

She gestures pointedly to Pepper at this. “Frankly, you probably won’t even have to worry. Androids are awesome, and I’m totally building myself one. We’ll figure out the legalities later.” Toni adds with a flip gesture of her hand. “So don’t stress, little birds, I’ll be fine. Just another bump on the road of Antoinette Stark.” She says with a beamng, crooked smile. 

“Android?” Someone shouts, and Toni points at her, silencing the others.

“Android.” She confirms. “Totally possible. Definitely probable. Super promising. Excellent idea. Now, as for my state. I won’t lie to you. The rumors have been spreading for years, and it’s about time I confirm them. I’ve been suffering from the Rejection Process for over twenty-five years now.” Toni says, uncharacteristically severely. “I have built and mass produced for the world many, as you know, products to compensate for the weaknesses caused by the Rejection Process.”

“Unfortunately,” She continues on in tense, utter silence, “the Rejection has now, as I stated previously, reached end stage. I have five years. I  _ will _ make them count.” Toni assures them with the utmost confidence. “Expect an amazing five years for Stark Industries. I will now take questions.”

The questions are immediately overflowing and booming, and Toni waits until she can actually pick one out from the crowd. “Miss Stark, is it you or your partner who is causing the Rejection?”

“Me. Pepper is the love of my life, and I’ll have it no other way.” She says firmly.

“Will you be releasing any new products from beyond the grave?” Someone bravely asks, and Toni grins.

“Absolutely. I intend on squeezing fifteen years worth of products into the next five. They’ll be released on a schedule. As I said, expect an amazing next five years for us. Or fifteen, if all goes well.” 

“Why are you triggering the Rejection Process, Miss Stark?”

“Because fuck them.”

_ “Toni.” _ Pepper hisses behind her. Toni grins unrepentantly.

“Who will be your successor in the developmental field, Miss Stark?” 

“As of yet unknown. For now, the answer is that it’ll fall to my team of developers in their assigned sections of SI’s production line. However, for the comfort and safety of mind of all, I’ll attempt to find a sole successor in the meantime. I’ve always kind of wanted to adopt a kid. Pepper?” Toni glances curiously over her shoulder. 

The woman blushes at the unexpected proposal before she lifts her chin confidently. “I expect to be married before that, Miss Stark.” She says imperiously.

Toni grins wickedly at the crowd. “And now I have a proposal and wedding to plan. Have a good day, everyone!” 

And with that, she whips around, takes Pepper by the arm, and lets Rhodey set his hands on their lower backs and guide them off the stage.

Pepper pulls her close once they’re out of sight, pressing her forehead to Toni’s, and chokes on a soft, half-hearted sob. “You idiot. You selfish  _ idiot.” _

“I know.” Toni admits, kissing her gently, while Rhodey politely glances away. “But you love me. Now tell me about this ring I’m going to buy you.”

Pepper sniffles once, dabbing at her eyes carefully so not to smear her makeup, and then looks at her imperiously once again. “It better be three stone. Princess cut. Not too bulky, not too small. Jim will help you pick it out.” She says.

Rhodey mutters a quiet,  _ “Damn.” _

Toni grins.

Let the others have their Avengers. Let them have their careers, and their fights, and their recoveries. Let them have their losses and their gains and their stress.

Toni’s going to live her life the way she wants, and that’s all there is to it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Toni’s more than a little surprised when they return to the Avenger’s Tower. She’d spent four days in the hospital, and had honestly expected the place to be evacuated by the time they got back.

Instead, every Avenger sans Thor is in the living room when they arrive.

Toni takes one look at them. She glances at her nice glass table, which no longer has glass, and assumes she must’ve landed on it when she collapsed. There’s a small crack in the glass window where she’d thrown her mug.

Everyone’s sitting there, staring at the three of them.

Toni looks upwards. “JARVIS?” She asks very, very tightly.

_ “I’m sorry, ma’am.” _ He says shamefully.

Toni reaches up and pinches the bridge of her nose, already feeling her head throb.

“Look,” Rhodey,  _ blessed Rhodey,  _ steps up quickly. “If this is what it looks like, now is  _ not _ the time for an intervention.”

“It’s not an intervention. It’s a meeting.” Steve says stubbornly. “We need to discuss Toni’s medical status.”

“Nope!” Toni proclaims instantly. “There will be no discussion. There need not be a discussion. I am still Iron Maiden, plenty capable. Although, now that you remind me, JARVIS? Rescind my last order. Track him, but don’t kill him.”

Relief flickers across Steve’s face, and confusion across everyone else’s except Natasha’s. 

“Toni, you  _ collapsed.” _

“Yeah, because you triggered my fucking PTSD, you asshole.” Toni snaps, making him recoil.  _ Fuck it,  _ she thinks, because apparently this is happening. She walks over to the Intervention Sitting Area and stands just outside it, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at them all. Bruce looks a little bemused.

“PTSD?” He questions and Toni snorts, opening her mouth - but Rhodey beats her to it.

“Yeah. These two geniuses decided it would be smart to come here and interrogate her about the man she watched murder her parents right in front of her.”  _ Ouch. _ Toni grimaces a bit at the blunt reminder. Sam, at least, looks repentant at the reminder. As a counselor, he really should’ve noticed that, after the ‘triggering’ or before it.

“What?” Bruce demands, confusion even worse, and he glances between Natasha and Steve. “...Barnes?” He realizes slowly and Toni closes her eyes, willing herself not to start hyperventilating.

_ 'Sergeant Barnes?' _

“Doesn’t matter!” Toni proclaims, interrupting the growing tension sharply. “I’m fine. We’re fine. That dude gets to live another day without the Iron Legion breathing down his neck, figuratively of course, because they are robots and definitely do not breathe, and I get to have the peace of mind in knowing he’s not about to break down my front door.”

“Why would he do that?” Natasha asks with an arched brow.

Toni almost,  _ almost _ falters. “Because he didn’t finish the job.” She says coldly. So coldly even Natasha shuts up at that, though she frowns unhappily about it.

“Look, we got off topic. We need to know, as a team, how bad your state is.” Steve says tiredly.

“Oh, like you don’t already know.” Toni sneers, not about to forget the eavesdropping thing.

A few of the Avengers exchange confused looks.

Steve doesn’t have the decency to even pretend to be ashamed. “I did what I thought was best.” He says tightly. “But you’re right. I intruded on your privacy. However, the fact remains - from the sound of it, you aren’t combat ready anymore.”

Toni can’t help but roll her eyes. “Honestly, do you people ever listen to me- oh, wait,” She pauses, brow furrowing. “...Actually, I never did specify my role with the Avengers. Okay, my mistake, I’ll admit to it.” She says, then explains when pretty much everyone but Natasha looks confused now. “I am  _ not _ an Avenger. I am a  _ Consultant _ to the Avengers. Fury, or Steve, submit me requests, I accept them, they pay me, I do what they request. That’s how all your badass weapons were made, you realize?”

A moment of blank staring.

They did not, in fact, realize.

“God damn it, Fury.” She mutters, rubbing her eyes with her forefinger and thumb. The gloves are so soft they feel almost like skin themselves, and she can just barely feel the way her fingers want to tremble but can’t. “I was  _ never _ an Avenger. I’m still not one. I have too much on my plate as it is to join the Avengers full time, so I’m only a Consultant. When you absolutely, positively need me, I’ll be there. Otherwise? I’m staying right here, in my nice little tower, where JARVIS can keep me safe while I invent enough things to apparently last this company fifteen years, and god, Pepper,  _ why _ did I promise that? You should’ve stepped on my foot. God knows your heels are sharp enough to shut anyone up that way.” Toni moans plaintively. She turns and pulls Pepper into a hug, burying her head in her hair.

“Why didn’t you stooop me?”

“This-” Steve splutters, true anger entering his voice. She ignores him, because Pepper’s shampoo smells awesome and expensive.

Toni would know.

Toni pays for it.

“This isn’t a joke, Toni!”

“Yes it is.” Toni counters maturely. Bruce snorts softly. Clint huffs. Rhodey sighs. “Totally a joke.”

“This is your  _ life.” _

“Like I said, totally a joke.” She says, then extracts herself from Pepper’s awesomeness to turn back to him with a frown. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to live!” He snarls, slamming his fist against his knee, and everyone goes silent at that, even her. “Is that so much to ask, Toni? I want you to  _ live.” _

 

“Look.” Toni says very, very fimly, folding her arms across her chest again. She leans on one leg, which makes the braces creak a bit, which makes Rhodey look sharply at her. She ignores it all. “Look.” She repeats seriously. “I am going to die.” She states matter-of-factly. “Nothing is going to change that. I will die. I  _ will die.” _ She repeats, making it very clear. “The Rejection Process is going to kill me sometime in the next five years, probably in the three year range.”

“But you said you had five.” Sam protests and Toni shrugs.

“I lied.” She admits freely and shamelessly. “It was necessary to keep my company afloat. People panic, five sounds better than three. Look. The fact is, I have stage one congestive heart failure.” Bruce and Clint both inhale sharply at that, and even Natasha winces. Apparently, Steve hadn’t spilled _all_  the beans. “I also have stage two renal failure, but that doesn’t matter, dialysis will buy me more time from that than the heart failure will.”

“I am at end stage Rejection. Period. Expect three years, and expect me to spend them doing everything I can to make this world a better place. Mostly, by that I mean my inventions. Sorry, you guys are gonna get shafted for the next while, until I can find a guy to build your weapons for you. All my energy is going into medical science now. Hell, I might even build myself a better bypass machine and actually hit that five year mark.” She shrugs. “Unlikely, but then, I  _ am _ Toni Stark. Unlikely is my middle name.”

“Understatement.” Rhodey coughs at her side. She elbows him and gets a satisfying wince.

“In fact, I have an idea brewing right now.” She lies. “So I’m going to get to it. But no, Steve. Don’t worry about me being a burden on the team. I likely won’t be fighting any more battles after this.” She says before beating a fast retreat for her workshop, Rhodey and Pepper right behind her.

Famous. Last. Words.

 

* * *

 

Ultron is the world’s biggest,  _ stupidest _ mistake.

The idea was pure. After a successful mission from the full-time Avengers to retrieve Loki’s staff from HYDRA, Toni and Bruce had fiddled with the object and realized it’s potential. 

Bruce was still aching from his mind-whammy Hulk-out, and Toni was still aching from having to call down her Hulk Armor from outer freakin’ space and wrestling with the giant green asshole, and somehow, the Ultron idea sounded better than ever.

Later, she’ll blame it on mind control, because clearly she was  _ not in her right fucking mind. _

But in the moment, the idea is  _ pure. _

Ultron was going to be a peacekeeping AI to replace her. To take control of the Iron Legion in her place, to guide the Avengers and provide intel when her eyes could no longer work.

Ultron, unfortunately, turns out to be a  _ fucking psychopath. _

His first action is to send his own creator flying across the room and smashing into the ceiling, which really, really fucking hurts.

Thor catches her before she can hit the ground, then tackles Ultron himself, but by the time the Avengers have gotten the robot down and Toni’s actually gotten back on her feet, it’s too late.

JARVIS is dead, and Ultron’s gone with the world wide wind.

Toni’s too busy mourning JARVIS’ loss to do anything to stop Thor from grabbing her by her throat, but luckily, Rhodey and Bruce talk him down.

“Ultron shouldn’t have been able to activate without us there. We’d  _ given up _ on even creating him!” Bruce protests when fingers start pointing. “We ran so many tests, but nothing was compatible with the AI. Somehow, without any intervention from us, he managed to not only be created, but to activate on his own accord.”

“You should have known better than to play with one of Loki’s weapons.” Thor rumbles, and honestly, that’s probably fair.

So Toni slinks back, sticking to the outer edges of the room, and desperately thinks for a fix.

She doesn’t find one.

When the Avengers suit up, Toni goes as well, and gives Steve a blank metal-faced staredown when he even  _ thinks _ about arguing.

The Avengers go to war.

 

* * *

 

 

It doesn’t end well.

Of course not.

Ultron was the brainchild of two of the greatest minds of the century, combined with fuckin’  _ magic, _ and he was a  _ genius. _

There’s only so much they can do to fight him, in the end.

They fight, and they win.

The destruction is widespread.

The death toll rises every day for over a month.

 

* * *

 

 

Time counts down. Toni feels it every day. The tremors reach her shoulders and hips now, and she builds herself a full body top and pants combo version of her gloves. It’s all she can do to keep her own body steady enough to function.

She spends all her time in the workshop. She doesn’t leave to eat or to sleep, living off of what Pepper stocks her mini-fridge with and her broken in, leather sofa.

That isn’t to say she doesn’t spend time with the Avengers. Usually one or two, or one memorable time  _ all of them _ , will spend some of the day with her. When Pepper’s in town, Toni sleeps upstairs with her in the proper bed.

She gets phone calls every day from wellwishers ranging from her father’s old acquaintances to little Harley Could-Be-Stark.

But every day, she’s working on something new, something improved, something  _ unique. _ She’s always working on  _ something. _

And slowly but surely, she gets sicker and sicker.

Then time comes and bites her in the ass.

 

* * *

 

 

The Sokovia Accords are excellent in theory. Toni supports them wholeheartedly, and so do half of the Avengers.

 

Steve is against them wholeheartedly, and so are half the Avengers.

 

It fucking  _ figures _ that the real shitshow would start with  _ Barnes. _

 

* * *

 

 

The explosion leaves her ears ringing for  _ days. _

The capture of one James Buchanan Barnes is somehow worse than being attacked by him.

Toni’s beyond on edge being in the same  _ building _ as her…  _ soulmate… _ and it doesn’t help that Steve has gone full Captain America about it.

“He’s obviously sick! He might be  _ dying! _ We can’t just leave him there.”

“Uh, yes we can.” Toni counters, which is not helpful.

They grumble back and forth for a bit, Toni studiously ignoring the obviously poor state Barnes is in.

“Sometimes-” Steve starts to say, until she cuts in roughly,

“Sometimes I want to punch you in your  _ perfect teeth.”  _ She bites out.

He sighs at her, reaching up to rub at his eyes. 

“But I don’t want to see you gone. They need you, Steve.” She tells him honestly. “They need you to sign these Accords.”

“Why, Toni? Why the Accords? Tell me.  _ Tell  _ me. Break it down.”

Toni bites her lip for a moment, then sits down around the corner from Steve, who sits at the head of the table. “Look. I’m not going to sugarcoat things. The Accords? They’re a rough draft, written by a man who is now, frankly, dead. That, and this sounds harsh but hear me out, opens doors for us.” Steve sends her a mutinous, disapproving expression. “I know how it sounds, but listen to me for a minute, because I don’t have  _ time _ to dance around the fucking politics, okay?”

“You’re cussing a lot more, you know.”

“Fuck off.” She mutters. His lips twitch a tiny bit. “I’m having a rough day. Look.” She sweeps on before he can get too far into a pity party for her. “I know it’s rough. But listen to me. I have approximately six months left.” He flinches at that and she winces. “Yeah, I know, but focus.” Toni slaps a gloved hand lightly on the table, and to her surprise, he covers it with his own. “We need these Accords, and I’m going to break down for you why. Right now, I am the  _ only thing _ keeping the Avengers afloat.” She says, then instantly cuts in when he opens his mouth. “Wait, correction. Pepper and I are the only ones. Joint effort, she deserves the credit. Pepper wrangles my lawyer army against every single complaint, and I fund them, and compensate anyone who gets hurt or loses property during battles involving the Avengers.” 

“I literally have a  _ lawyer army, _ Steve. Anytime someone refuses to submit to my will, I literally  _ bury _ them in lawyers until they cry for mercy.” He makes a complicated expression at this. “No, none of that. It’s a good thing, because it keeps you assholes out of trouble. The downside? When I’m gone, so is that protection. You need the Accords, because they’ll protect you even better than I can right now. They’ll fund you, they’ll equip you, and they’ll  _ protect you  _ when I’m gone.”

Steve stares numbly at her for a long minute. “Toni, I-”

“Steve.” She cuts him off with a tired sigh. “I know you don’t like the Accords as they are. I don’t blame you. They’re controlling to a point that we both know some asshole corrupt guy will try and take advantage of.” Steve nods sharply at that. “But. I’ve been speaking to T’challa, and we have ideas on how to alter that. The issue is, we can’t amend the damn thing until it’s actually in place. Here. Look.” Toni uses her free hand to pull out a folded up piece of paper. Steve takes it, flipping it around to peer at it searchingly.

Toni gives him a long minute to read all the planned amendments she and T’challa have come up with, and when he’s done for the third time and looks at her with a considering expression, she speaks again. “These are all things that T’challa and I  _ can and will _ implement. Ross will never have sole jurisdiction over you. You’ll be run by a group of seven UN spokespeople, who will be available twenty-four seven to provide immediate assessments of any problems that happen worldwide. Tentatively dubbed the Avengers Committee.”

“In emergency situations, you’ll have two options. Either you lead the Avengers with full jurisdiction or, if you have the time to be able to do so, you call the head of the Avengers Committee and they’ll do a rapid assessment of the situation and advise you. All the legal backlash will fall on the UN, so long as you stick with the basic guidelines. Minimize collateral damage, so on and so such.”

“What about Bucky and Wanda?” Steve says, a bit mutinously, and Toni closes her eyes for a moment.

God, she’s so fucking tired. Being this close to Barnes is making the Rejection both better and worse. The closeness eases the symptoms a bit, but makes her body and mind  _ ache _ for him. Like they’re  _ resonating _ off one another. It’s exhausting.

“Wanda is… difficult. But I have a plan for her. The biggest issue lies in the fact that she isn’t actually a US citizen, so no one is there to defend her but us. The bright side? As soon as these Accords push through, we’ll be proving that not only are we taking steps to improve, we’re also doing our best to make sure Lagos never happens again.”

“Lagos wasn’t her fault."

“I don’t blame her for it either.” Toni assures him, frowning. “Which is why I’m trying to help her. Right now, T’challa and I are planning on having separate contracts drawn for each and every Avenger, tailored to the. For Wanda, my idea is that she’ll have to sign on as an Avenger for three years and come out on the other side with US Citizenship. Assuming she still wants it.”

“Of course she does.” He bristles.

“Steve, stop being so damn defensive.” Toni complains, rubbing at her eyes. “We’re all trying to work  _ with  _ the Avengers, not against. The world needs the Avengers, and everyone knows it. That gives us the advantage. They have to work  _ with us. _ ”

“...If Wanda likes the idea, I don’t mind it.” Steve finally concedes “What about Bucky?”

Toni grimaces, glancing away from Steve for a moment. “That’s complicated. You sign the Accords, he gets mental help to overcome the damage HYDRA has done. I can’t say how people will respond to his many, many murders though.”

“Toni, he was being  _ controlled.” _

“Look!” Toni snaps, looking sharply back at him, and he blinks a bit in surprise at her sudden harshness. “I am  _ trying _ okay? Not for him. For you. For the Avengers. I would rather-” She cuts herself off, because proclaiming that she hopes the guy dies in a fucking ditch probably won’t help in getting Steve to just shut up and  _ sign already. _ She takes a deep breath. “I am trying.” She grits out slowly.

Steve grimaces a bit but nods.

“My lawyer army will defend him, and almost definitely win any cases against him. Hard to lay legal blame on a guy who is known to have been mind controlled.” She says, and carefully keeps the bitter sickness out of her tone. Just saying she’ll  _ help _ him make her stomach curl.

“Toni…” Steve says softly and she looks away from him again, unable to stand the sympathetic gratitude on his stupid face.

After a long minute, he picks up one of the pens.

Toni closes her eyes and tries to breathe.

 

* * *

 

It goes to figure that the guy ‘assessing’ Barnes turns out to be a fucking psycho too. 

HYDRA’s mind control kicks in, Barnes breaks free using sheer strength in spite of his ‘illness’, and Toni finds herself forced into the fight.

“I am an active-duty non-combatant.” She tells Natasha, barely able to keep the rising panic from her voice, and Natasha looks distinctly unimpressed.

“You should  _ always _ have your suit with you.” She scolds and Toni sighs.

“Yeah, I’m beginning to see that, actually.” She mutters, fidgeting with the watch on her wrist. It’s starting to make little beeping alerts as her heart rate climbs too high, making her vision swim a bit, and Toni silences it with a touch of a button.

They separate, going their different ways to surround Barnes.

Toni finds him fighting in the lobby and presses herself to the wall, grimacing. She taps quickly on her watch, pulling on her emergency gauntlet, and before she can talk herself out of it, she whips around the corner and fires.

Barnes staggers. She fires again, approaching. He falls to one knee - then recovers and almost punches her dead in the face. She blocks it with a quick swipe, and the fight is so short but so fast she loses track until suddenly there’s a gun in her face.

Barnes freezes.

For the first time in thirty years, she finds herself face to face with the man.

Her scarred arm  _ aches. _

Agent Carter comes out of nowhere and roundhouse kicks Barnes in the face, who quickly seizes them both and just  _ throws them. _ Toni slams hard on her shoulder, takes one painful breath, and thinks,  _ Nope. I’m out. _

She lays there.

When the fight is over and Barnes has escaped, Natasha looks down at her with unnerving intensity.

 

* * *

 

Steve and Sam vanish after Barnes, and things just go downhill from there.

“I want them found.” Thaddeus Ross thunders, glowering at her and Natasha.

“Too bad.” Toni says flippantly, and only in that moment does she make her decision. “Active-duty non-combatant. Go find someone else to pester.”

Ross gets a little red in the face. “I don’t give a damn if Rogers signed the Accords,” Natasha shoots Toni a mildly surprised look at this, “he’s going against my orders.”

Toni absently taps on her watch, triggering FRIDAY. “Your orders? I didn’t realize you were here to  _ command _ the Avengers, Secretary.” Toni pulls out her phone, typing out a message to Rhodey.

“Put your goddamned phone away, Stark. Go after them. Hunt them down. I will  _ not _ allow this mass murderer to escape.”

“First off, no. Second off, no. Third off, _still no._ Fourth off, he’s not a mass murderer.” Toni says absently. 

_ ‘Barnes got mind whammied and escaped. Steve and Sam in pursuit. Ross considers them rogue even though they signed the Accords. Go after them and help.’ _

“The man just murdered twenty of Ross’ people,  _ and counting.” _ Ross says dangerously slowly.

“Still not murder. Involuntary manslaughter at  _ best. _ Did you miss the mind-control thing? Means he’s not actually responsible for his actions, if you missed the memo.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck if he’s responsible or not. His hand caused this shitshow, and now you’re going to clean it up.”

“Mmm. Again, no.” Toni muses, flicking off another text, this one to Pepper. 

_ ‘Pull out the Ross Gun. He already ticked me off.’ _

“No?”

“Active-duty non-combatant.” Toni reminds him idly.

He snatches the phone away and throws it at the wall, shattering it. Toni stares for a moment, then frowns disapprovingly at him.

“That phone costs a thousand dollars, you realize.”

“I don’t car e.”

“Criminal offense. Bad Secretary.” Toni scolds, clicking her tongue. “Regardless, my answer stands. No.”

Ross stares at her. After a moment, he looks at Natasha. “You’re in charge. Gather the Avengers and  _ hunt them down.” _

Toni holds up a finger. “Actually, still no.” She speaks on Natasha’s behalf, which irritates the woman judging by the shifting of her stance. “I’ve just come to a decision. Natasha, he doesn’t seem to be thinking very clearly, does he? Repeatedly trying to command a non-combatant into, well, combat? Destroying people’s personal, thousand dollar items? Attempting to overthrow Steve’s leadership of the Avengers without consulting the Accords? Fixating on the two Avengers attempting to capture Barnes instead of focusing on, for instance, the person who almost certainly used HYDRA triggers to take control of Barnes to begin with?”

“The person who, it could and will be argued, is actually at fault for the deaths and damages dealt to this complex?” Toni muses.

“Well, Barnes is a dangerous man on the run.” Natasha says conversationally.

“True, true.” Toni agrees, enjoying the way Ross’ face gets even redder. “But last I checked, Avengers policy is to apprehend and contain any such threats if possible, and only killing as a last case scenario. Which would fit in with what Steve, our glorious leader, is doing  _ exactly?” _

“It  _ does _ seem a little strange that he’s so set on us capturing our own people when they appear to just be doing their work.” Natasha hums thoughtfully.

“I,” Ross says very, very slowly, “am giving you a direct order.”

“Ah, still no.” Toni decides, smiling at Ross. “Steve signed the Accords. He’s our leader. Your orders have to go through him.”

“Steve Rogers is no longer in charge of the Avengers. I am.”

“Actually, still  no?” Toni corrects with a frown. “As the second in command, leadership would, in theory, fall to me.”

“And I am directly in charge of you, as appointed by the Accords.” Ross concludes smugly.

“I said in theory. Since Steve appears to be doing everything exactly by the book, I see no basis for removing him from power. So… again. No.”

“...You’re treading a dangerous path, Stark.”

“Are you threatening me, Ross?” Toni asks brightly. She looks at Natasha. “This is exciting.”

“Do not make an enemy of me, Stark.” Ross growls and Toni smiles wider.

“The only one making enemies appears to be you, Ross. Now, Natasha. Go see if you can’t find Steve and Sam. I’m sure they’ll need your help capturing a man like Barnes.”

“Don’t move, Romanoff.” Ross corrects sharply.

“Shoo, spider.” Toni waves her away.

Natasha arches a brow. There’s a tiny hint of concern in her eyes as she turns and leaves. 

“Romanoff! You step out those doors, and my men will be coming after you as well!” Ross calls after her. 

She steps out those doors without even faltering.

Toni’s so proud.

“You’ve crossed a line, Stark.”

“On the contrary, you seem to be the one doing that, Secretary.” She counters brightly, folding her achy arms across her achy chest.

“I won’t permit this…  _ rebellion _ of yours.”

“I’m just following policy, Secretary.” She shrugs helplessly.

“My men will hunt them down, since you’re too incompetent.”

“Hunt them down? And then what?” Toni asks, amused.

Ross looks almost as amused. “And then the Raft for them.”

Her skin crawls at the idea, but her smile widens. “You’re going to capture Captain America, who is still by all accounts in charge of the Avengers, and is still, by all accounts, following Avengers policy in going after Barnes? And then you’re going to  _ imprison _ him for doing these things?”

His amusement falters.

The trap closes.

“This has been truly enlightening, but I think we’re done chatting now, Secretary. Thanks for all the audio, I’m sure my lawyers will love it.” Toni says, rising to her feet.

Only to immediately get shoved back down by Ross’ harsh hands. Harsh enough that the breath escapes her in painful huff of air. 

_ Okay, ow. _

“Assaulting a dying woman? Poor form.” She gasps out, wincing.

“You’re not going anywhere, Stark, and you’re not about to leak anything that took place in this room.” He looks smug again. Toni’s confidence falters a tiny bit at that. What had she missed? She glances around the room quickly, taking in the fact that there’s a scattered handful of people in it… and they’re surrounding them.

_ I fucked up. _ Toni realizes, looking back to Ross.

“Actually, Secretary, you’ll find that I am. Or have I committed some crime I’m not aware of?” She asks innocently.

“You just threatened to leak a classified conversation. Do you know what happens to whistleblowers in this country, Stark?”

“No, I lived under a rock during the whole Snowden thing.” Toni says blithely. “And I was under the impression that nothing is considered classified until the committee in charge of reviewing the Avengers is established?” 

“Yes. But until then,  _ I’m _ in charge, and that means I can label it classified.”

“Well, I’ve always wondered what a life of crime would be like. FRIDAY, ship out the audio.” Toni commands.

_ “I can’t, Boss.” _ FRIDAY chimes in her ear, just as Ross’ smug smile grows.

“This room is secured, Stark. No transmissions in or out.” 

_...Ah. _ Toni frowns at that, unease well and truly sinking in now. That meant neither Pepper nor Rhodey got her texts, then… 

“Until you leave this room, nothing that’s happened here can get out. And that means…”

“That means I just have to get out of this room, right?” Toni interrupts innocently.

And then shoves her gauntlet right into his face. The pulse sends Ross flying and Toni bursts into action. Gunshots ring out and Toni ignores them, racing for the door. Only two people stand directly in her way. She takes them both out with another pulse, making the final dash for the doors.

Pain tears through her. Her chest - her heart, which is in no shape for this much fucking  _ stress _ god damn it - her right thigh, and her left shoulder, which already hurt like a bitch.

She gets through the doors.

_ “Sent, Boss!” _ FRIDAY cries immediately.

Mission accomplished.

Toni runs, and doesn’t stop running. She almost tackles Carter while rounding a corner, and the woman takes one look at her before rushing alongside. Toni doesn’t say anything - it’s hard enough to breathe as it is - but she’s entirely too grateful as Carter, without a word, flies into battle with anyone who stands in their way.

* * *

“Looks like it only scraped you.” Sharon says once they’re sequestered away in Toni’s jet. FRIDAY is piloting the damn thing, while Toni not so subtly tries to just  _ breathe. _

“Awesome.” She rasps out.

“This one, though.” Sharon moves from Toni’s thigh to her shoulder. “Through and through. You really pissed them off.”

“They really pissed me off first.” Toni huffs, wrapping her good arm around herself.  _ God _ it hurts to breathe. “Need the hospital.”

“I know.” Sharon promises with a small grimace. “We’ll figure it out.”

Right. Temporary criminals on the run. No hospital, then.

“FRIDAY. Get us to the Compound.” Toni commands.

_ “Yes, Boss. ETA four hours, Boss.” _ FRIDAY chimes quickly.

“You’re losing a good amount of blood, and your breathing is shit.” Sharon mutters, brow furrowing in concern. “I have to stop the bleeding. This’ll hurt.” Sharon warns.

It hurts a lot.

 

* * *

 

Helen Cho takes one look at her and rushes Toni into the Cradle.

Three hours, one liter of blood, and a nasal cannula later, and Toni’s feeling much better.

“Still no word from Natasha or Steve.” Sharon mumbles as she frowns at her phone. “I don’t like this, Toni.”

“Me neither.” She admits. “FRIDAY, has Pepper started yet?”

_ “The first stories are breaking now, Boss. The tape is already going viral.” _ FRIDAY announces, and Toni’s chest tingles with pride.

“I really gotta marry that woman before it’s too late.” Toni says happily. 

Until Helen  _ ruins it. _ “Sooner rather than later, then, Toni.” She says  _ unhappily. _ “I’m getting some of your blood results now. I’m finding indications of liver failure.”

“Bout damn time.” Toni huffs. “I was getting impatient. Someone get me a drink to celebrate.”

“No.” Sharon says flatly.

“You disappoint me.” Toni whines. 

“I saved you  _ life. _ ”

“And now you’re  _ ruining it.” _ She says melodramatically.

“Toni.” Helen says severely, and the mood crashes again. “I… this doesn’t look good.” Helen holds up one of her chest scans, frowning deeply. “You’re going to have to go on bypass soon.”

“I pass on the bypass.” Toni says dismissively. “Too invasive. Very restrictive. If I can’t do my work, there’s no point at all. How’s that android body going?”

“Failing spectacularly. I don’t know what Ultron stuck in my head to make me build Vision, but it’s gone now.” She admits with a sigh, rubbing at her forehead and tucking the scan away into its envelope. “Toni, I’m serious here. This doesn’t-”

“Yeah, yeah.” Toni flaps a hand. “Mourn me when I’m gone. Don’t stress about it now. How soon is soon?”

“...Two months?” Helen offers, frowning. “I might be able to buy you three or four. The Cradle does good work, but… I can’t fix failing organs.”

“Shame on you for not being God.” Toni scolds. “Two months? I can work with that. How much longer do I have to lay here?”

“Give me at least six hours, Toni.” Helen rubs at her eyes. 

“I have things to do.”

“Six hours.”

“God damn it. Fine. Sharon, please grab my tablet from my room?”

“Don’t bother, I already have it.” Helen says in a long-suffering tone. She silently passes it over and Toni smiles at her brightly.

She pulls up her latest project and immerses herself into an engineering trance.

 

 

* * *

 

She makes it to the five hour mark before breaking free.

Steve calls Sharon, telling them about Siberia and Winter Soldiers, and Toni tears out of there like a bat out of hell.

Sharon tries to join, but Toni waves her off. “I’m taking the suit. Follow behind with the others in the quinjet.” Toni commands and Sharon reluctantly nods.

So she takes the suit, flying as Iron Maiden for the first time in over a year, and heads to Siberia.

It’s one of her worst mistakes.

 

* * *

 

Steve and Barnes are there when she arrives. “Sam and Nat are enroute. The base was breached when we got here.” Steve says by way of hello. “He must be here. Be ready for a fight.” He warns and Toni nods, keeping her mask firmly down.

She’s not about to let Barnes see her face.

In the end, the warnings don’t matter. The Soldiers are dead in their cryo tubes, and Zemo is tucked away nice and safe behind his metal walls. 

He launches into a spiel about Sokovia and revenge and empires crumbling from within, and that’s when the tape starts to play.

Toni looks at the screen and her heart just about stops there.

“No.” She says without even realizing, and then looks sharply at Zemo. “Turn it off.” She commands. He smiles bitterly at her. She flips up her mask and practically snarls, “Turn it off,  _ now!” _

“What are you so afraid they will see, Miss Stark?” Zemo murmurs. “The truth of your deception?”

“Deception?” Steve echoes, looking at her, and she feels the blood draining from her face.

If it weren’t for the suit, she might’ve actually collapsed. 

Very, very reluctantly, she turns back to the screen. Steve is glancing between it and her questioningly and Barnes is looking firmly down at the ground, jaw set.

_ He hasn’t told him. _ Toni realizes, which makes her panic that much worse.

She lifts her gauntlet. Steve moves in the way, distrust and uncertainty etching into his face. “Toni. What’s on this tape?”

“Steve,  _ don’t. _ Just move.” Toni practically begs, and to her shame, her voice actually shakes. Barnes stiffens.

After a moment, Steve looks back at the screen, refusing to move. She could still destroy it. She could move around him and hit it with a repulsor blast and then it would be over.

Except it wouldn’t.

Because Zemo  _ knows. _ He’ll spill the beans anyways, and there’s  _ nothing Toni can do. _

“Please, Steve.” She says softly.

The car crashes into the tree and she flinches. Steve watches.

He watches as Barnes punches through the back window, grabbing Toni by her shattered arm and dragging her forcefully out.

Listens as Toni speaks.

_ “Stop!” _ Eighteen year old Toni cries out, pleadingly.

She closes her eyes, unable to watch as Barnes freezes on the screen. 

_ “...Don’t move. Don’t make me hurt you.” _

She  _ feels _ the way Steve glances at her.

_ “Sergeant Barnes?”  _

_ “DAD! DAD!!” _

_ “Please, not my mom.” _

She wants to vomit.

The tape rolls to its end, and silence reigns.

“...I don’t understand.” Steve says, but so very slowly that she knows his mind is spinning. Connecting the dots. 

The was no way he didn’t know Barnes’ soulmark.

“What words lie beneath your bangle, Toni Stark?” Zemo murmurs, and Steve inhales sharply.

“...Toni?” Steve whispers, pain and the inklings of betrayal trickling into his voice.

She opens her eyes, meeting his, and wonders what the fuck she’s supposed to do.

“Bucky?” Steve questions, glancing behind her and then back.

Neither of them speak.

“No.” Steve denies. “No, Toni, tell me this isn’t true.”

She can’t. She can only stare at him numbly, lips pressed hard together and face pale. 

“No.” He repeats, shaking his head, but betrayal is well and truly sinking in now. “You wouldn’t. Toni? Toni. Tell me you aren’t…  _ Tell me!” _ He snaps.

“I can’t.” She whispers. From the way he recoils, she might as well have screamed.

“You… all these years. You knew about him. I forgave you for that. But you… you’re the reason he’s..?”

“Steve.” Barnes says softly.

“No! You…” Fury brew in his eyes, leaving them damp. “You  _ knew. _ Your Rejection Process. He’s not just sick, is he? He’s  _ dying, _ and you  _ knew!” _

“Yes!” Toni cries out. “Yes, I knew! I’ve always  _ fucking known, Rogers!”  _ Her voice breaks and her body trembles. “But what was I supposed to do? What, Steve, tell me!”

“You let me believe we could  _ save _ him.” Steve says, almost heartbroken in his pain. “You told me you would  _ help him.” _

“He murdered my parents! He  _ smashed my father’s face in! _ He choked my mother to death! My  _ mother, _ Steve! What was I supposed to do?!” She almost sobs it out, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“You  _ knew.” _ He repeats, horrified. “All this time, you knew you were- you were  _ killing _ my best friend.”

“What was I supposed to do?!”

“TELL ME!” Steve roars. “You were supposed to TELL ME!”

“Steve!” Barnes tries again, louder this time, but he’s completely ignored.

“You were supposed to tell me the  _ truth, _ Toni! To tell me that my best friend was going to  _ die _ and it was your fault!”

“It’s not her fault!” Barnes snarls, breaking in at last, and Steve looks at him furiously. “Listen to me! I murdered her parents  _ right in front of her.” _ He snaps, and Toni flinches a bit. “Of course she was going to Reject me. Any sane person would! But it’s  _ not her fault.” _ Steve stares at him. “It’s HYDRA’s fault, and don’t ever forget that, Steve.”

“Bucky… she’s  _ killing you.” _ Steve whispers, heartbroken, and Toni flinches again.

“HYDRA is killing us both.” Barnes corrects resolutely.

Steve lets out a strangled, choked sound.

“Steve…” Toni starts, but she has no idea what to even say. What  _ can _ she even say?

Steve’s head snaps up and his teary eyes land on her furiously. “Leave.” He growls. “Leave, and don’t ever come near me again, Toni.”

Toni freezes, staring at him blankly.

He turns back to Barnes, ignoring her entirely, and Barnes does as well, as unwilling to look at her as she is at him.

Numbly, Toni turns to leave.

Just in time to see Zemo vanishing around the corner.

 

* * *

 

Toni finds him outside the bunker, sitting on the cliff’s edge with his phone pressed to his ear, a gun held loosely in his other hand.

He lowers the phone as she approaches, but otherwise doesn’t move. She doesn’t even really think about it. She just lets the suit open up.

She doesn’t even feel the cold as she steps out, approaching Zemo.

She stops just a foot away. “Your plan failed.”

“Did it?” Zemo murmurs, looking out at the frozen wasteland.

_ Did it? _

“We didn’t kill each other.”

“A pity. But I didn’t fail, did I?” Zemo questions quietly. “The Avengers are falling apart. You are dying a slow, painful and debilitating death… and you are directly responsible for the Winter Soldier sharing the same fate.”

“Some people would thank me for that.” Toni says softly, staring at the gun in his hand. 

“Some, perhaps.” Zemo goes silent for a long minute. “You killed my family in Sokovia.”

Toni closes her eyes and listens.

 

* * *

When he’s done, he tries to kill himself.

Toni moves without thought. She seizes the gun, wrenching it away, and blood sprays with a deafening  _ crack. _

She doesn’t even feel it, her body is so numb from the cold and shock. She throws the gun away, leaving a spray of blood in the snow, and grabs him by the throat. “We aren’t done with you yet, Zemo.” She says numbly. “You’ve caused enough damage. I’m going to keep you around to fix at least some of it.” She murmurs, and silently drags him away.

And that’s how the world finds out that it was Zemo, not Barnes, who was the true villain in this story.

 

* * *

 

She stops by the compound long enough for Helen to fix the hole in her palm. Then she quietly orders FRIDAY to contact a moving company and transport her stuff to the Tower, and heads to New York.

She doesn’t run into any of the Avengers. She turns off her phone so none of them can contact her. She spends the trip in silence, and when she finally arrives at the Tower, Pepper is waiting on the balcony for her, looking anxious.

“Toni,” she breathes out when she steps out of the armor. “You look awful.” Pepper reaches down and cringes. “Your hand?” She whispers.

“It’s alright.” Toni murmurs back, wrapping her arms around Pepper and burying her face in the crook of her neck. Pepper hugs her back tightly and Toni squeezes her eyes shut. 

For a long minute, they just stand there.

Eventually, Toni pulls back. “We need to talk, Pepper. Let’s go inside.”

And slowly, in bits and pieces, she tells her horrified fiancee about Barnes and the words she’d long ago carved out of her flesh.

 

* * *

 

 

The truth is, no one had ever known about her being soulmates with the man.

No one.

Just the two of them.

Not even Rhodey, who knew her words and saw the aftermath of her removing them, knew  _ why _ she did such a thing.

Hell, no one even knew her parents were murdered, not dead to an accident. 

The fact is, Toni had never spoken to anyone about that night. Not to the police. Not to the press. Not even to her best friend. 

No one.

The words spill quietly from numb lips, and Pepper’s breathing hitches in her grief.

“I understand now.” Pepper says quietly, curled against Toni and holding her close. “I never understood why you were so adamantly refusing your own soulmate. I always thought… that he was the one refusing you, and you were just being  _ you _ about it.”

“I know.” Toni murmurs, and it’s true. She’d always known that. 

She’d never corrected the woman.

“I understand now, Toni. Why you’re Rejecting him. I won’t tell a soul.”

“Good.” Toni presses her cheek harder against Pepper’s head. “It’s private and painful enough as it is.”

“..Will he live, do you think?” Pepper wonders softly.

Soulmates were a complicated thing, Toni muses as she runs her hand through Pepper’s hair. They were rare, but thoroughly understood. Soulmates were bound, body and soul, by some phenomenon no one could scientifically understand, but what that  _ meant _ was well documented.

If soulmates refused one another, they suffered Rejection. If one soulmate refused the other, the one triggering the Rejection had a worse impact to their health. They were always, without fail, the first to die. The one being Rejected was damaged much less, and much slower.

And once a soulmate died?

The Rejection process halted. 

It was a strange, complicated thing. That soulmates could survive without one another in terms of death, but not in terms of life. There were plenty of cases where a soulmate died without ever meeting their other, and the other suffered no complications from it.

Yet, the fact was, Toni had Rejected Barnes, and that meant she was the one who would die first.

“He’s enhanced.” She murmurs, thinking about how ill he’d looked. He hadn’t been that sickly. She couldn’t guess what was wrong with him - he gave very little away - but he definitely wasn’t at death’s door like her. “I suppose… it’s probable.”

“So in the end, you’re dying for nothing.”

Toni sighs softly. “It was never about revenge.” She says, and then realizes, “No. That’s wrong. Part of me did it out of hatred, somewhere in the beginning. But it was always out of grief and horror. How could I ever be with the man who killed my parents? How could I ever touch the hands that took their lives so violently?”

Toni falls silent for a long minute, fingers twining through Pepper’s hair.

“I suppose, in the end, we were just dealt a terrible deck.”

Barnes was mind controlled by his worst enemy to kill his own soulmate’s parents, and Toni was forced to sit there and watch it happen.

“Fate… really fucked us over.” She murmurs.

“Would you ever have been with him?” Pepper wonders and Toni hums softly.

“I doubt it. I would’ve had you in my life first. And you’re my real soulmate, no matter what the marks try to claim.” Toni says it with the utmost certainty, and after a moment, Pepper sniffles against her chest.

“I don’t know what I’ll even do without you.”

“You’ll run my company.” Toni assures her, stroking her hair in long, slow movements. “You’ll inherit everything from me. You’ll live a long, comfortable life. You’ll have friends and family that you love. Maybe you’ll even fall in love again.” The idea hurts.

“Never.” Pepper says shakily but fiercely. “No one will ever match you, Toni. No one will ever come close.”

“Maybe you’ll fall in love again.” Toni repeats softly. “And that would be okay. But it’s also okay if you don’t, because I’ll be waiting for you one way or another.” She doesn’t believe in the afterlife, but it’s a nice sentiment, so she offers it anyways. Pepper sniffles softly. “Maybe, one day, you’ll have kids. Adopt them or… have them with someone. And you’ll be happy, Pepper, because you always find a way to be.”

“Not without you.” She croaks.

“Yes without me. You don’t have a choice.” Toni says gently, and that draws a small sob from the other woman. “But you’ll be okay, Pepper. I know you will be. And I’ll always be so proud of you for that.”

Pepper sobs against her, crying outright now, and Toni tightens her arms around her. 

“And one day, Pepper, you’ll look back on this conversation and think, ‘Toni Stark was right yet again’.” She murmurs.

Pepper’s laughter blends with her sobs.

 

* * *

 

 

The Avengers don’t fall apart.

 

There is no great rift left behind after Zemo’s attacks.

 

The tragic story of Barnes and Toni never leaves the mouths of the mere five people who know it.

 

She marries Pepper, and somehow, in spite of everything, they manage to be happy with the time they have left.

 

Zemo’s plan fails.

 

But Toni’s still dying.

 

* * *

 

In a perfect world, things might’ve worked.

Barnes might’ve never killed her parents. 

She might’ve been able to love an ex-HYDRA assassin, so long as her parents’ blood wasn’t on his hands.

In a perfect world, she might not be dying.

But the world isn’t perfect, and slowly, her life is eaten away.

Everyday it gets worse and worse. Her scleras turn yellow one morning, and the next, she gets out of bed only to immediately collapse, chest throbbing.

She wakes up in the hospital with an anxious, tear-streaked Pepper hovering over her. It hurts to breathe. “I told them.” Pepper says haltingly, the tears coming even faster. “No bypass. I told them.” Her voice shivers.

Toni takes her hand. Her own hand shakes  _ violently _ without her gloves to stabilize them, but she grips Pepper’s hand as tight as she can.

“Thank you, Pepper.” She breathes out painfully. 

Pepper sobs even harder.

 

* * *

 

 

She’s in the hospital for two weeks.

It’s nearing the end of the second one when Toni  _ feels  _ it.

She wakes up from the Dream, the one that’s haunted her all her life, and finds herself feeling oddly comforted by it.

There’s a tired sort of ache in her body now. Bone deep and exhausting. She’s at death’s door, and every breath she  _ feels it, _ but somehow, she feels… content.

She shouldn’t. She should be raging. She should be refusing to die, refusing to give in.

But she’s just too tired.

“There’s a boy in Queens.” Toni tells Pepper, who looks at her in surprise. She probably hadn’t even noticed her waking. “His name is Peter Parker. He’s Spider-Man.” Pepper stares at her, blinking slowly. “I want you… to pay for his college. He’s smart, Pepper. Really smart. Get him into SI.”

“Okay.” Pepper says quietly. “I will.”

“I want you to stay with me, Pepper. But I need you to do me a favor first.”

“Tell me. Anything.”

“I want you to tell Barnes... I want to see him.”

Pepper stares at her, eyes wide in surprise, and then she bites her lip uncertainly. “Is that… wise?”

“It is.” Toni promises. “Do it soon.”

“I’ll do it now.” She reassures, still looking uneasy as she stands up and pulls out her phone. “Steve? It’s Pepper.” She says as she steps out of the room, closing the door carefully behind her.

Toni closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, it’s to Pepper’s gentle nudging. “He’s here, Toni.” Pepper says quietly and Toni forces her tired eyes open. Barnes is hesitantly standing in the doorway, Steve warily watching from a few feet back.

“Come in.” Toni offers, and Barnes slowly steps in. Steve does not follow. “Pepper?” Toni asks softly and she nods, stepping out for a moment. She closes the door quietly behind her. “I’m glad you came.” Toni tells Barnes, and somehow, it’s true. Looking at him now doesn’t make her stomach curl like it used to.

Maybe she’s just too tired for that. Maybe she’s just too tired to fight it anymore.

“Why am I here?” Barnes asks in genuine confusion. He looks a little bit stricken, honestly. “I didn’t think… you’d want to see me again.”

“No.” Toni admits, sighing softly. It hurts, but they have her on so many painkillers now that she barely feels it. “But I wanted to talk to you. Are you… healthy? Enough to survive this?”

He hesitates for a moment before offering a short, jerky nod.

“Good... Good. Steve needs you.” Toni murmurs. “I wish… things had been different.” She says slowly, and Barnes blinks at her in confusion and surprise. “I’ve said this before, and it’s true. Pepper is my true soulmate, no matter what our marks say. But I wish… we could have made it work.” Toni murmurs. “Not in that way, no. I’d never pick anyone over Pepper. I can’t even fathom it. But… for our sakes. It would’ve been nice.”

“For your sake.” Barnes corrects softly. “You’re the one suffering from this, when I’m the one who caused it all to begin with.” He says, regret and pain oozing into every word. Toni weakly flaps a hand at him.

“I made my choice knowing what it meant. I don’t regret it. I don’t regret anything about my life… except Ultron. Fuck that guy.” Toni adds the last part absently. “Tell me. Has Steve forgiven me?”

“He’s a stubborn asshole, but yeah, he has. Do you… want him to come in?”

“No.” Toni refutes immediately. “I don’t hold anything against him, but this time… is between us. And Pepper.”

“This time?” He echoes questioningly.

And then he actually glances around the room.

It takes a moment, but realization slowly dawns upon him. “The Dream.” He murmurs and she smiles a little.

“Yes.”

He looks at her, hovering over her with a stricken, agonized expression. “I’m sorry, Toni.”

Her smile widens a bit. “So am I.”

They both fall silent for a long moment, the words leaving an eerie feeling in their chests.

“Will you stay?”

His lips part in shock for a moment, and then his expression hardens and he nods. “Of course.” He says firmly, sitting at her side.

After a moment, she turns her palm up invitingly and he hesitantly takes her hand. 

“I’ll be here until the end.” Barnes promises.

She nods, saying nothing else.

She’s too tired, her chest aching far too much, and every breath is a strangled rattle. 

Pepper slips back into the room and quietly sits at her other side, holding her hand tight.

When Toni closes her eyes a few minutes later, she never opens them again.

 

* * *

 

 

Her death isn’t like in movies and on television.

She doesn’t say her piece, close her eyes, and drift away.

Her death isn’t fast or easy. 

For days, Toni lies unconscious, her breathing getting worse and worse as the pressure around her heart worsens. Pepper never leaves her side, resolutely clinging to her hand, and Barnes sits still as a statue at her other side.

Together, in silence, they watch, and they wait, and slowly, Toni’s life passes through their fingers like sand.

“She would have hated this.” Pepper says numbly as the stand just outside the room. Steve is still there, silently standing guard, and there’s honest regret and pain on his face. Pepper watches through the window as the nurses work, carefully pulling tube after tube out of Toni’s still body. “She would have hated dying this way.”

“She made her peace with it.” Bucky says quietly, and it’s surprisingly comforting.

She’d thought she’d hate the man. Arguably, he’s why Toni’s dead. But Pepper doesn’t have the heart. Not after the last three days. Not after watching the way he’d resolutely sat at her side until the very end.

It didn’t make up for all the years. Not by a long shot.

But Pepper couldn’t hate him.

“Yeah.” She croaks, weak and shaky, and Bucky’s hand grips her shoulder.

She leans into the touch, hating herself for it even as she does. Toni forgave him in the end, but she’d loathed the man for  _ so long _ that it was hard to reconcile it all.

“Pepper.” Steve says quietly, interrupting them.

Pepper closes her eyes, a few tears rolling hotly down her pale cheeks. “Yes?”

“I should…” He hesitates, wetting his lips. “May I call the others? They… they should know.”

She hesitates for a long minute before nodding. “No press. No word. They have to keep it to themselves. This… I need to plan some things, before the word gets out. Her… her funeral, for one.” Pepper rasps shakily.

“Of course. I’ll… I’ll help any way I can.” Steve says sadly.

“Thank you. Tell…” Pepper squeezes her eyes shut tighter, more tears leaking free, and Bucky’s hand tightens on her shuddering shoulder. “Tell them… that she died peacefully. And that… that they’re all welcome to the… the funeral.”

“I will.” Steve murmurs before quietly trudging away.

She opens her eyes.

The nurses cover Toni’s pallid face with a sheet.

She turns into Bucky’s chest and sobs.

 

* * *

 

 

Planning the funeral is one of the hardest things Pepper has ever had to do - but Rhodey makes it infinitely easier by somehow convincing the world to let them bury Toni in Arlington.

She wasn’t military, strictly speaking, but Rhodey manages to convince the world that she should be given military honors for her actions as an Avenger. The people of New York loudly agreed, everyone remembering how Toni had flown a nuke directly into the alien portal over their heads. 

And so Toni is buried not only in Arlington, but in their own separate section of it. “There will be a statue here, and an identical one in the National Mall.” President Ellis himself tells Pepper when they begin gathering for the funeral. He’s one of the first ones there, which makes his presence even more touching. “Depicting the Iron Maiden rising into the air.”

Pepper closes her eyes, throat tight, and can easily picture it. The pose Toni had always taken. Arms at her sides, knees locked together, hands pushed out, head tilted up. 

_ Like her spirit is rising from the grave. _

“Thank you, President Ellis.” She whispers, and the man smiles sadly at her.

“It’s the least we can do for her, Mrs. Stark.” He says, and her the sound of her name makes her heart ache. “We all owe Mrs. Stark a lot for her actions all these years. Not only as an Avenger.”

“Yes.” Pepper agrees with a heavy heart. “She did a lot for this world.”

“She did.” Ellis confirms quietly. “More than her fair share. That she died this way is… a shame.”

“She’d made her peace with it.” Pepper echoes Bucky’s earlier words, and Ellis glances at her before nodding.

“That she did.”

The Avengers, when they arrive, arrive en masse.

As one, back to back and side by side, they walk into the clearing where the Avengers will one day be put to rest as well.

Pepper blinks at the sight of them, momentarily taken aback, and then she smiles, wet and pained but genuine.

They’re all, except Bruce Banner, wearing their costumes. Even Thor is there.

There’s one sole photographer in the cemetery, everyone else kept firmly out by not only security but Ellis’ own secret service. She snaps a picture of them, and Pepper knows it’ll be on the front page the next day.

The ceremony is as beautiful as it is painful.

When the time comes, the men silently lift Toni’s casket, carrying it to the grave while Pepper cries.

Steve and Rhodey take the front, Thor and Bruce just behind them, with Clint and Sam taking up the rear.

In spite of their differences at the end, Steve is crying silently as he leads them forward. Rhodey is as well, shamelessly, and the others all have red-rimmed, too damp eyes.

When it’s over, people silently line up to lay flowers on her grave.

Pepper is the last to do so. She lowers the flower to the covered grave, and stares at the headstone marking her place.

  
  
  


_ Antoinette Maria Stark _

_ May 29th, 1970 _

_ July 6th, 2016 _

_ Here Rests Iron Maiden _

_ Beloved Wife And Hero _

_ Never shall the world be _

_ The same without your  _

_ Like again. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ᴵ'ᵐ ˢºʳʳʸ
> 
> I hope you enjoyed ♥


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